Going to the ZAGS of Love

I got such a treat last night--I was a guest at a Russian wedding. My friend Aigul’s sister was getting married, and since I met the family at New Year’s, I was invited to this jubilee. Unfortunately, I came down with a cold and got sicker as the day went on, so I couldn’t fully enjoy the festivities. Still, I took it all in, and here’s my full report.

A Russian wedding is very different from an American one, regardless of religion. In fact, this family happens to be Muslim, but you wouldn’t know it from the service or reception. I think a lot of this has to do with the Soviet rule, but I don’t know if church services were the norm before that. In any case, the wedding ceremony is a legal affair, and the reception is a bacchanalian celebration. We Jews may know how to party, but these Russians put us to shame.

The wedding begins at ZAGS, a government administration where married couples are registered. Knowing this, I thought it would be a somber, official affair of signing documents. This is also how I picture a “city hall wedding.” Actually, the ZAGS hall was romantically decorated, and everyone was already dressed up. I, like most women there, wore boots but carried dress shoes in a plastic bag. The service was just like a religious one, only with no mention of G-d. The couple exchanged rings, took vows, kissed and, yes, signed documents (I cannot overstate the significance of dokumenti in Russian culture). After a photo-session was katatsya.

Katatsya literally means “to roll around.” I think so anyway, I’m too lazy to look it up. Figuratively, it means driving to different scenic locations in the city for more photo opportunities. I’d seen wedding parties do this in St. Petersburg and Ekaterinburg; sometimes they even stage funny scenes, like bridal tug-of-war. I’d always marveled at the women’s resolve to show off their gowns, despite the weather, but we all wore coats. In the little town of Beloyarsk, there aren’t so many picturesque places. We went to a Soviet monument with an eternal flame and a highway bridge by the forest. At each stop, after taking pictures, we boozed it up. I learned that here it’s perfectly legal for the passengers in a car to drink alcohol, just not the driver. This is when I started feeling ill, so I declined riding dirty and became more of a passive observer than an active participant.

Next we came to the cafe which had been rented out for the reception. Three long tables were arranged at right angles and over-flowing with food and drink. Some four hours after the salads and appetizers, we were unexpectedly served hot dishes. The hall was decorated with posters advertising marriage advice. For example, “To get to your golden wedding, the wife must have a silver character, and the husband--iron support.” One made me feel bad, with its proclamation that “Anyone sober at a wedding is a spy. With every glass of wine, we grow louder!” Indeed, I’ve never seen people drink so much, though Russians don’t get so obviously drunk, and I felt a bit of pressure. But I always got out of the (s)hot seat by pointing at my half-full wine glass and toasting with mineral water.

With food, drink and dancing, how different could a wedding reception really be? Very. The chief difference lies in the presence of the tagana. This is an entertainer hired not just to dj but also to lead games and organize the endless toasts. Actually, the games were a lot like the family’s New Year’s celebration, but with the tagana there, none of the guests had to assume control. Another big difference was the importance of money. First of all, there is no gift registry, so most people give as gifts something for the house and some cash. Then, at the party, there are many opportunities to donate money to the new couple, like raffles, auctions and paying the bridge and groom to kiss. Even the wedding cake was auctioned off, slice by slice. Another guest told me that at some weddings, you have to pay for your silverware! This struck me as very strange and un-romantic, but I guess it’s just a fun way for the family and friends to help the couple get started. In some of these games I even participated, as Aigul’s mom kept coming by and giving us hundred-ruble notes.

My favorite part of the night was the bitterness. I mean of course the tradition at a Russian wedding for the crowd to shout out gorko (“bitter”), so the couple has to kiss to make it sweet again. The funniest is after a toast, when people drink some vodka and start yelling, “It’s so terribly bitter!” At first, especially at ZAGS, the couple’s kisses were short and perfunctory. But as the night went on, they grew longer and more loving. So very sweet.

The reception, or at least the tagana’s shift, ended with wedding fireworks. I realized that I’ve been to two of Aigul’s family events and both included fireworks and games where men have to dance in women’s clothing. Then we went back inside and kept dancing. There was one song where we all light birthday candles and held them up around the dancing couple. I was so worried that the little boys would light each other's rattails on fire, but everyone survived unscathed. Word travelled quickly that the unknown guest was an exotic Amerikanka, and thanks to a little black dress I borrowed from my friend Olga, my dance-card was full. I felt bad about spreading my germs, but even worse refusing invitations to dance. So I split the difference, and spent some time dancing, some playing with children, and some sitting and blowing my nose.

At the end of the night, rather than sleep on Aigul’s mom’s floor, we took a taxi back to Ekaterinburg. The bride filled my purse with candy and gave us a couple bottles of wine for the road. As Aigul and her friend Katya drank, I thought about all the people at the wedding who’d tried to help me find a husband that very night. If nothing else, I have options.

Moscow Nights

After a whirlwind week in Petersburg with my dearest Jessie, we headed to Moscow. I had tried to prepare her for the reality of the overnight train, but it turns out, there’s no way to do so. Between my assurances and my friends’ warnings, Jessie was still bewildered by platzkart (3rd class). For me it wasn’t so bad, but poor Jessie slept about as well as a hooker on VJ Day. Anyway, we arrived in Moscow, checked in to our hostel, and hit the streets.

This was my third time in Moscow, and my first time there purely for pleasure. You know, I like the city more than I thought. In two days’ time, Jessie and I rocked Red Square, the “old” Tretyakov Gallery, and the American-themed Starlite Diner. We had a great time wandering around the city, drinking Super Hooch and just enjoying each other’s long-lost company. Yes, it’s a very expensive city, but we kept it real. My advice for Moscow: don’t be shy about doing uber-touristy things. The Tretyakov Gallery is a knock-out and St. Basil’s Cathedral is even more beautiful on the inside. Moscow has a bad reputation for being hectic, but as long as you avoid the subway at rush-hour, it’s not so bad. And on that note, the subway is the most logical I’ve ever seen, with the exception of Ekaterinburg’s one-horse line. Bottom line, I was thrilled to unlock Moscow’s mysteries with one of my all-time best friends.

So Jessie left on Tuesday, giving me two days by myself. On the first day, I went to the “new” Tretyakov to see the modern Russian art collection. Hot dog! They do a great job of showing but the regime-approved Soviet art, and what was going on underground. Best of all I loved the exhibit of super-contemporary (read: today) artists. I enjoy going to museums alone, but this particular experience made me miss Jessie, who always teaches me so much about art.

On Wednesday I made a pilgrimage of sorts to Yasnaya Polyana (“Clear Glade”), the site of Tolstoy’s farm estate. I thought it was the name of the house itself, but it turns out, Yasnaya Polyana refers to the entire neighborhood. If I had known how complicated this trip would be, I don’t know if I would’ve attempted it. But however blindly, I took the three-hour bus ride to Tula, got dropped off at the proper stop, and wandered until I found the museum environs.

It was, of course, amazing to see where Tolstoy lived, worked, wrote, walked, planted, taught. I saw his house, his greenhouse, his doctor’s house, the schools he built for his peasants’ children. All of it was beautiful, and not quite what I pictured. Well, what I pictured was the 40-page scene of Anna Karenina in which scores of peasants thresh wheat, so of course I didn’t see that. But I did see the equipment they would use, and a family of cats living in the hay barn.

The most touching part of the experience was seeing Tolstoy’s simple, grass-covered tomb. I doubt his body is interred there, since at 80 years old he abandoned his family at Yasnaya Polyana and went off, I imagine into a cave, to die. But I stood there, paying my respects at this memorial, and thought about Jennifer Day. She helped me write my senior project about Tolstoy, and all my thoughts about him are connected with my feelings about her. I don’t know if she ever made this pilgrimage, but I made it in her honor. In some ways, everything I do from now on will be in her honor. If Jen and Count Tolstoy are together somewhere drinking tea, they will know I love them both.

The following day, my friend Sydney came to Moscow from Chicago. She and I studied Russian together and even lived in St. Petersburg together. We both studied with Jen, so it was really therapeutic for us to be together. We grieved a great deal, but soon moved on to remembering good times. And of those, there were plenty. Plus, Syd is one of the funniest, liveliest, most outrageous people I know. I love that crazy girl. We had a great time doing “bullshit souvenir shopping,” eating various ethnic cuisines and even checking out a couple museums. Also, because I misunderstood my own flight information, we got an extra half-day together. Weee!

So now I’m back in Ekat, exhausted but satisfied. Having spent time in the two big cities with two of my favorite people, I’m ready for the last two months of this great experiment. Here I go!

Ramble On

Hi faithful readers! Been missing me? Well, I’m on the road, visiting Russia’s two great capitals. In fact, the trip was inspired by another visit – my bff Jessie came all the way from Boston to hang out! She flew back home this morning, leaving me in Moscow, so I have a little time for an update. Actually, I’m writing from the lobby of Napoleon Hostel, so this will be a quick and dirty entry.

I can’t tell you how amazing it was to have Jessie with me in Yekaterinburg. We had only a couple days there, but now she’s the only person from my “real life” to see how I’ve been living this year. In Ekat, we did all the typical tourist sites which have already been described here, plus a couple more. We saw the “fake border of Europe and Asia,” plus the real site where the Romanovs’ bodies were destroyed. Regular readers will remember that the Romanovs were killed in the city proper, but as it turns out, their bodies were taken, hacked, burned w/acid and buried in the forest. On that site now stands a monastery, with seven churches for each member of the family. A sad story, but a beautiful memorial came out of it. Of course we ventured into the forest on the coldest day in weeks. When our host asked Jessie if she was as cold as she looked, she yelled, “Colder!”

We flew to Petersburg on Sunday night to hang out with my friends up there. Plus, it happens to be one of the world’s most beautiful cities, and Jessie, as an art historian, couldn’t miss the Hermitage. We smashed all the major museums, plus stumbled on the most adorable gallery of puppets. At the Marinsky we saw the charming Soviet ballet, “The Little Hunch-backed Horse.” So sweet! Unfortunately, we couldn’t find matzah or any of the other Passover Seder necessities, but we did make some great dinners, including one of all appetizers, like Cher in Mermaids. What else…we saw the cool printing studio where my girl Lauren does her thing, went out to a club when they were having a funk party, and took plenty of walks drinking plenty of Funky Juz. Shout out to Lauren “Abmanitsa” for letting both of us crash, not just at her place, but in her bed!

Then Jessie and I took the over-night train to Moscow. I knew pretty much what to expect, but my poor dear, she didn’t get a good night’s sleep the whole two weeks she was here. We arrived “cracked out,” but out of the whole train, we were the only women who looked it. Still, we gave it our all in the two days Jessie was in Moscow. The first day, we tackled Red Square. We really wanted to see the Armoury, where the crown jewels are, and I somehow talked the cashier into selling us student tickets, even though neither of us have valid student ID’s. But I plead our case so persistently, she finally said, “Take them and never tell anyone.” I never would’ve been able to accomplish this when I arrived in August, not to mention translating everything for hypo-allergenic Jessie. The next day, we found the Starlite Diner, a favorite expat eatery and went to the incredible Tretyakov Gallery.

I was sad to say goodbye to Jessie this morning, but how can I complain? I can’t even tell you how much it means to me that she came out here. Jessie and I could have fun doing nothing together, but we’re also great travel partners. She’s so sweet, thoughtful, funny and brave! What a woman…what a phenomenon. So now I’m alone in Moscow, but just for a couple days. Soon crazy Sydney, with whom I studied Russian at Bard, will come out to see me, Lauren and all her favorite haunts in the motherland. In the meantime, I’ll hit up the “New” Tretyakov, Tolstoy’s estate and whatever else I find in this most beautiful, most expensive city.

That’s all for now folks. Much love.

A Eulogy

Today I walked the streets of Russia looking as sad and somber as any native, but it’s not because I’ve become acclimated.  Yesterday the world lost a very promising figure in the sphere of Russian studies, and I personally lost a great friend.  Jennifer Day, who passed away yesterday at a tragically young age, was my first and best teacher of Russian language and literature.  On our first day in class, she read us Pushkin’s “Ya Vas Liubil” (“I Loved You”) and enchanted us with the melodic power of the poem.  By the end of that semester, she had us all, amazingly, able to recite the same poem.  Jennifer made the language come alive, and I use her teaching techniques every single day in the classroom.

In many ways, Jennifer, or Zhenya, is my hero.  She proved, despite what Nabokov said, that an American can master the unwieldy Russian tongue.  As a young woman of a decidedly non-Russian background, she had an incredible career in Russian studies, writing on everything from St. Petersburg architecture to literary meta-texts.  In my experience, most professors have either a deep knowledge of the subject or a love of teaching.  Jennifer had both.  Though not yet a tenured professor, she was the absolute heart of our Russian department.  During the semesters when she was on sabbatical and maternity leave, the department became staid and its events perfunctory.  But Jennifer always brought such great enthusiasm and creativity to her work, her joy was positively contagious.

Our teacher-student relationship quickly expanded beyond the classroom.  Over the course of our three years’ acquaintance, I became Jen’s dog-walker and baby-sitter, and she became my project advisor.  For some students, weekly senior project meetings were dreadful affairs.  But I looked forward to my meetings with Jen, because I knew I would come out of them re-energized and inspired.  In fact, our discussions came to resemble therapy sessions.  I’d arrive with a problem, we’d talk it out, and she would wisely guide and enable me to find my own solutions.  She was always modest when I expressed my gratitude, but I know in my heart that my success was due as much to her efforts as to my own.

I can say with no hesitation that Jennifer Day is the singular reason I am in Russia today, and not only because she wrote me a recommendation for the Fulbright application.  Jen shared with me an illogical, impractical passion for Russian studies, and taught me that this feeling could be the foundation of a career.  She encouraged and inspired me, both as my teacher and my friend.

My heart goes out to Jennifer’s family, friends and students.  Though, or perhaps especially because, I am in Russia, I am with you in your grief.